


Lazy Competition

by FactCheck



Category: One Piece
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Banter, Bickering, Body Worship, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, I'm not going to say bukkake but lets be honest, M/M, No Spoilers, Overstimulation, PWP, Polyamory, Post-Time Skip, Riding, Rimming, Switching, Threesome - M/M/M, Unsafe Sex, Zoro bottoms and tops, but only in appearances, eating ass, maybe? - Freeform, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 19:11:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13464708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FactCheck/pseuds/FactCheck
Summary: Usopp wants to have sex, Zoro wants to sleep, and Sanji wants to compete - they somehow come to a satisfying conclusion





	Lazy Competition

**Author's Note:**

> Using the accepted: Sanji is French, Zoro is Japanese, and Usopp is Afro-Caribbean. This is only important because I call Usopp black in this  
> Big thanks to owlbeans for Beta-ing this

Usopp was having trouble in the bath.

Not because of any fault of his own, of course, but rather because a certain swordsman was intentionally displaying all his hard, tightly packed muscles in a most enticing fashion that had to be purposefully orchestrated to arouse the sniper to a nth degree.

It couldn't be anything but intentional.

No one was that accidentally gorgeous.

Usopp sighed to himself when he accepted the fact that Zoro, the second most oblivious person in their crew, was 100% not doing anything to seduce Usopp, despite the fact that he very much was.

He shifted uncomfortably on the stool, toying with the edge of the water basin in his lap, as he tried not to glare daggers at the green haired man as the swordsman's muscles gave a seemingly spiteful ripple when he poured his own basin over his head.  

The fidgeting did nothing to help calm the sniper's problem down, but he couldn't help the shift of his hips and the rubbing of his thighs when his dick gave suggestive jerks every time the swordsman so much as moved.

Zoro finally stood up and headed to the door, grabbing a towel from the rack and rubbing the provided cloth over his skin in such a manner that had Usopp scrambling to keep his grip on his basin steady.

Usopp watched desperately as the swordsman walked out of the room, oblivious to his boyfriend's obvious distress.

As soon as the green haired man closed the door, the sniper threw his basin against the wall and verbally cursed at Zoro's lack of attention. 

He sighed again, acquiescing the fact that he'd have to take matters into his own hands if he wanted anything done in any department that wasn't fighting, sleeping, or drinking when it came to Zoro.

Usopp rinsed the last of the soap off himself and frowned down at his lap.

Why did he have to do  _ everything? _

Being the captain was hard, but it was his duty all the same. Even if that duty was technically convincing his boyfriend that having sex right now was a good idea and not exactly leading a ship.

A love captain and a pirate captain were pretty similar, right?

Usopp scrunched his nose when he realized how much like Sanji he sounded like.

The sniper stood up, grabbing a towel on his way out, and went off to look for a certain swordsman.

__________________________

Zoro was trying to take a nap when the door to the aquarium room was slammed open.

He clicked his tongue in annoyance but didn't bother opening his eyes.

The room was silent for a few minutes, and Zoro had almost managed to drift off to sleep when he was violently snapped back into reality when a body landed fully on his stomach, knocking all the air out of him forcefully.

Zoro flipped over onto his side as much as he could with a body in the way as he wheezed air back into his lungs. 

The person gave their own click of the tongue but shifted to lay more gently on Zoro's stomach.

"I don't weigh that much, you know." The declaration was broken by a breathy laugh and Zoro could imagine the other man running the back of his finger against his nose as he continued. "Though I suppose I am a bit muscular, so it can't be helped that the Great Usopp's beefy brawn would cause unintentional damage-"

Zoro stopped the stream of words by reaching out and rearranging the black man's body to fit against him so his face was pressed against Zoro's neck.

The plan seemed to work for a while, and Zoro was on his way to sleeping when a hand crept its way past his open cloak and a thigh was thrown hazardously over his.

He tried to ignore it, but the sniper was being persistent and worked his way into pressing skilled fingertips into Zoro's sensitive side. 

The fingers were annoyingly cold and the owner of said fingers were annoyingly knowledgeable of Zoro's weaknesses, and soon the swordsman was unable to keep from wrenching away from the pressure and pressing against a rather pleased sniper.

Zoro exhaled his frustration and turned his face fully so he could look at Usopp with his good eye.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes! I would like to have sex."

Zoro stared blankly at the admission before clicking his tongue and rolling away, ignoring the shout of betrayal tinged with shrill anger as he waved the black man off.

"Go have fun with that." He said as he scratched at his chest disinterestedly. "I'd rather take a nap, thanks."

"You can't do that! It isn't fair," Usopp scooted up behind Zoro, worming his arm under him so he could wrap them around the larger man's waist. "You got me excited, so it's only fair if you take responsibility and help me out, you know? It's only the just and right thing to do, right?"

Zoro stared disbelievingly over his shoulder.

"I do  _ not _ recall getting you excited."

Usopp hummed his response and wiggled closer, shifting his hips so it was more obvious how excited he was.

"I mean, perhaps, admittedly, not on  _ purpose _ , but it's really just semantics, yeah? Your unbelievable muscles and taunt lines are weapons of mass seduction, so it is  _ technically _ your fault that it got me hot, even if it wasn't premeditated." Usopp spoke the words fast while trailing a finger down a visible pec, twirling around the swordsman's nipple every time he emphasized a word.

"Then it's not really my problem, now is it?"

Usopp frowned against Zoro's back and the green haired man could feel the sniper's displeasure in the way he rubbed his cheek unsatisfyingly against his cloak.

"Well,  _ yeah _ , but," Usopp wiggled again, his arms tightening around Zoro's waist as he rubbed his fingers against the swordsman's chest. "I was  _ hoping _ you'd maybe help your boyfriend out because that's the nice thing to do and people usually do nice things for people they like, yeah?"

Zoro sighed at the pitiful display, rolling his eyes at how dejected his boyfriend sounded.

"How about this," Usopp perked up against Zoro's back immediately, his hands falling flat against the green haired man's chest as if he couldn't direct any unnecessary attention away from Zoro's words. "If you do all the work, and all I have to do is lie here without you complaining at all about that fact, then I'll let you do whatever you please."

Usopp was practically vibrating against Zoro's back, his excitement palatable in the air, as he nodded aggressively, his nose smacking at each jerk downward with no complaints from the black man.

"But just to be clear, I'm not helping in any way."

"Yeah, yeah, I got you, perfectly understandable!" 

Usopp wiggled away and detangled himself from his octopus grip on Zoro, turning the older man as gently as he could onto his back, thanking his steady hands despite the otherwise ricochet-like buzzing of the rest of his body that led even to his teeth clattering.

"Did you walk around like that?" Zoro couldn't help asking after seeing the black man in full view for the first time without an argument planning in his head. "You're so lucky you didn't meet Nami on the way here."

Usopp waved the green haired man off, but fidgeted uncomfortably with the edge of the towel wrapped around his waist.

"We're lucky you're easy to find, more like."

"I don't feel like I'd in any way be punished for your lack of dress."

"You would be if I explained to Nami why I am in such a state of undress."

"You wouldn't be able to." Zoro gave perhaps a mean-spirited smile to his boyfriend, reminding the other that the sniper very much was a coward who wouldn't have the guts to try and explain anything to an angry Nami.

"Don't think she wouldn't hit you just for being mentioned," Usopp dropped the towel and straddled Zoro's waist. "I don't have to make an argument, just drop your name and run for it."

Zoro conceded that that indeed would not only work but be plausible.

The swordsman hummed in reply, moving his hands behind his head and sitting back to watch the black man work.

Usopp's first action other than throwing his only line of decency away was to pull at the red sash around Zoro's waist and unbutton the couple of buttons holding his cloak together. Usopp gave a frown at the green haramaki, toying with the edge before choosing to ignore it.

Zoro stifled a laugh, earning an annoyed downturn of the sniper's lips and a slight darkening of his cheeks, before he went back to business and ignored the swordsman.

Usopp didn't bother laughing at the green haired man's lack of underwear, choosing instead to run his hands up muscular thighs and sighing deeply as he pressed his fingers into the separation between thigh and hip. He worked his palms over hard lines and bent down to rub his cheek against an inner thigh.

"Zoro really is unfairly gifted in the muscle category."

"I train, it's to be expected."

Usopp waved him off and moved to rub his face against the swordsman's stomach. 

"I really love you," Usopp murmured against Zoro's skin, his lips brushing against the taunt muscles there. "Really, really love you."

"Are you talking to me or my abs?"

Usopp didn't bother to respond verbally and instead sat up, rolling his eyes and leaning forward to kiss the green haired man.

It was a light kiss that got increasingly more persistent and Zoro tried to be unaffected by it, but the increasing pressure and the lazy tongue that was sliding against the edge of his mouth was forcing him to respond if only out of habit.

He reached out and wrapped his arms around the smaller man, running his hands against his sides and rubbing his fingers into his back as their lips slid languidly against each other. 

Usopp sighed satisfyingly against Zoro's cheek when he pulled away, planting small pecks against the swordsman's cheek then neck as he delved his hands beneath the open robe to rub at Zoro's own sides. He was careful to keep his hips raised and out of touch with the other man's.

If he was doing all the work, then he sure as hell would make certain that he got all the pleasure out of it.

Zoro was minimally hard - an arousal out of promised stimulation but otherwise disinterested at the lack of current pleasure - but Usopp could handle that later.

He was the star of this show.

The sniper moves up the swordsman's body, situating himself between the green haired man's privates and the beginning of his haramaki, making sure to push the offending cloth up more so he was sitting on skin.

The black man shuffled, moving to get his feet flat against the floor and ignoring the groan the larger man gave in response.

"Do you want to see a magic trick, Zoro?"

Zoro starred in uncomprehendingly blissfulness for a full second before the words finally registered and he frowned back unamusedly.

"Are you going to make my dick disappear again? Because I can assure you the joke never was nor will it ever be funny-"

"No!" Usopp cut off his own exclamation with a displeased sputter. "All of my jokes are funny, Zoro. Every. Single. Last. One."

Zoro grimaced in reply, but wisely chose to let the sniper have the argument.

The black man cleared his throat loudly, shuffling spitefully against Zoro's stomach before twirling his hands around complicatedly in front of him, ending the spinning by brandishing a small bottle in one hand and jazzing the other out as he called out a cheerful 'Tada!'

Zoro stared blankly back at him before his brow slowly creased.

"Where did you get that?"

"Nuh-uh, Zoro, a magician never gives away his secrets!" Usopp tutted, shaking his finger at the green haired man below him.

Zoro otherwise ignored him and instead grabbed the sniper's hips, pushing him side to side to see behind the black man as if he would find a bag of bottles resting out of site.

"But where were you hiding it?"

Usopp's shoulders slowly sagged and his lips turned down.

"I really don't think you understand the point of a magic trick, Zoro."

"Was it hiding in the towel?"

Usopp sighed tiredly, dropping further until his forehead rested against Zoro's chest.

"You're lucky you're pretty, Zoro."

"I don't understand."

"That's why you're lucky."

Usopp popped back up into position before Zoro could continue his line of questions.

"Anyways, let's move on to the fun part!"

"Sleeping?"

"Zoro, you aren't allowed to talk anymore, you're killing the mood."

Zoro had a question about what mood there could possibly have been on the tip of his tongue before he thought better of it and just settled back, throwing his arms behind his head as cushions as he watched his dark-skinned boyfriend pop the cap of the bottle and pour some of its contents out.

Usopp hesitated between spreading the oil on his own dick first or stretching himself out, his hands hovering indecisively between the two areas and Zoro tilted his head to the side, patiently watching the situation play out.

It was oddly endearing, like most things concerning Usopp. After one got used to him, his uncertainty and hesitation were charming, and his tall tales were entertaining and creative. Zoro couldn't lie and say he didn't warm up to Usopp the quickest out of all their crew members.

The man wore his heart so openly on his chest that it was clear to see he was honest in his ambitions and fears, his falsehood was transparent - he didn't hide his untruthfulness and he couldn't hide his lies when the facts were so blatantly in the open.

Plus, Zoro couldn't deny that the black man was gorgeously attractive.

Usopp had apparently decided that stretching himself came first and by the time Zoro recentered himself back in the present, the sniper was already pushing one finger inside himself.

The sniper scrunched his long nose, his brow creasing in concentration as he worked the finger in, spreading the oil around carefully and being his usual overly thorough self.

Zoro's eyes switched from watching between the ministrations and the black man's face, observing curiously as another finger was added and a pink tongue poked out of the side of his mouth unconsciously. 

"I love you." 

The sniper froze for a solid 30 seconds before his face darken considerably, his nose crinkling and eyes squeezing shut as he crossed his arms in front of his face, falling over sideways and moaning pitifully.

"What the  _ fuuuuck _ ," Usopp breathed. "What the  _ actual fuck, Zoro _ ."

"What?"

"You can't just-" Usopp waved at Zoro with one hand while the other still covered his face in embarrassment. "I was  _ doing something _ , Zoro, you can't just pop that on me."

"Why? You just said it to me like 5 minutes ago." Zoro paused, his brows suddenly rising in realization. "Wait, were you  _ actually _ saying that to my abs?"

Zoro sucked through his teeth and adjusted his position, jostling the downed sniper.

"Fine, if you hate it so much, I'll never say it to you again."

Usopp peeked over his arm, staring at the swordsman. 

From their current spot, Usopp had one leg thrown over Zoro and the other, bent still from his straddling, was running along his side and pressing gently into the green haired man' ribs.

Curiously, the black man moved his leg against Zoro's lower abdomen, watching as the swordsman's brows furrowed further. Usopp moved his leg lower, feeling the hair thicken against his thigh as he inched his way closer to Zoro's pelvis.

"I do love your abs, Zoro." The aforementioned man's brow twitched and his frown deepened. "I also love your pecs and your arms and your thighs and your back and your..."

”Okay, I get the point - you love my body.”

”Exactly!”

Zoro’s frown deepened even more and Usopp couldn’t help but laugh at his expression.

”I love you, too, of course.”

Zoro gave the black man an unamused face that clearly displayed his disbelief in the statement.

”Who wouldn’t love you? You’re strong in every sense of the word, loyal, stable, protective, and a great guy to hang out with,” Usopp presses closer to the green haired man. “Plus, the Great Usopp has impeccable tastes, and it wouldn’t do for me to be in love with anyone who wasn’t perfect in every way.”

”You speak too much.” 

Despite his words, the man’s face had darkened at the list of praises and he had turned away so only his red ears displayed his embarrassment.

Usopp hummed in reply and sat up.

”Okay, back to business.”

”Not letting me sleep in peace?”

”You’re still banned from speaking.”

Zoro couldn’t keep the smile off his face, but he turned it to the side so he could at least hide it from the man climbing back on top of him.

Said man frowned at Zoro’s less-than-attentive cock, turning to the laying man as if it was a personal grudge against him that the green haired man wasn’t aroused at his command.

”Zoro.”

Zoro pretended not to hear and pointedly kept his mouth shut.

The black man scowled and spat “You only listen when it inconveniences others,” under his breath before shimmying downwards until his face was level with the other man’s crotch.

”You’re lucky you’re cute.” Usopp griped.

”So you’ve told me.”

Out of pettiness, Usopp gripped the dick in front of him a little more harshly than necessary, only getting more annoyed when the swordsman made no reaction to the treatment. 

He sulkily put his mouth around Zoro’s dick, tongue swirling around the head like it was one of Sanji’s favorite lollipops.

Zoro went back to watching the sniper curiously. The black man was intently, if not petulantly, laying attention to Zoro’s cock as if it were a necessary chore - which Zoro supposed it was to the busy man.

The crease in his brow and the careful way he moved his hands as he tried to both remember and touch upon all of Zoro’s good spots, was undeniably adorable - a phrase Zoro enjoyed using to describe Usopp and which the black man seemed to always have difficulties deciding if he liked or didn’t like, as it was perhaps not the best description of a great warrior who looked up to giants, but it was a compliment all the same.

Zoro removed one of his hands from behind his head and lowered it to the bush of hair below him, running his fingers through the kinky texture that was wet and soft from the earlier bath and the copious amount of conditioner the sniper used.

Usopp glanced up.

Zoro couldn't control his sudden spike of arousal at the image it made.

The black man’s mouth wrapped around him as his eyes peered up, a slight glare still present though quickly fading, was the very picture of sex.

Usopp smirked around his dick as he noticed the very clear reaction and Zoro wished that he didn’t think the look was even more attractive.

”See? The Great Usopp is the best around!” 

Zoro couldn’t even be mad at the black man’s egotism when he was making the cutest face, his hands gripping Zoro’s dick and his lips slicked with pre and spit. 

“Yeah, you really are.”

Usopp’s mouth parted in shock.

”Unfair...” The sniper moved up, holding the swordsman’s face in his hands and kissing him. Zoro tried not to wrinkle his nose at the less-than-pleasant taste, but failed miserably and was rewarded with Usopp’s laughter as he threw back his head and then proceeded to lean forward to pepper the green haired man’s face with more cum-saliva kisses.

The kisses trailed down Zoro’s neck and got slower and slower as they went until Usopp stopped at Zoro’s clavicle. He sat back up and kissed Zoro’s lips languidly, both their mouths open as they breathed each other’s air while their tongues slid against each other.

Usopp made a sound deep in his throat, trailing one hand down Zoro’s chest, fingers lingering over each ridge and combing through his happy trail, as he pulled his lower half forward so he could straddle the other man better. 

He finally pulled away, his pupils blown as he breathed hard, lips wet and kiss-plumped. His tongue swept across his bottom lip as he smiled down at the swordsman.

Zoro had to look away from the sight, his arms aching to wrap around the black man, but he stoically held firm in his decision to not help.

“Enough wasting time, let’s get down to business, yeah?” 

Zoro decided wisely not to comment on the fact that Usopp was the one being slow about this and instead watched as the black man lifted himself off, one hand wrapped around Zoro’s dick and the other steadying himself on the swordsman’s torso.

His jaw clenched when the sniper sank down on him. Teeth bared and muscles tightened at the pleasure of it and one hand automatically going to grab Usopp’s hip to steady him as the black man tilted dangerously to one side.

Usopp’s hand found his quickly and gripped it, his stomach and chest expanding rapidly as he breathed quick and deep.

”Easy,” Zoro warned.

”If I die-“

”Oh my god, Usopp.”

”Hold on, just, okay, so if I die on your dick,” the black man paused and looked down at Zoro, his brow creased in exertion, as if to ask if the green haired man was going to interrupt.

”You’re not going to die on my dick. In fact, I am begging you not to do that.” Usopp nodded as if he was expecting this response and continued on, his fingers holding tighter to Zoro’s hand.

”Okay so if I do - emphasis on ‘if’ here, Zoro,” Usopp leaned back his head and sucked air through his teeth. “If I do die on your dick, you are not allowed to tell anyone that I died in the middle of sex because that’s lame.”

”Okay-“

”But I’ll allow you to say I died in a heroic battle against you because we got in a fight over something-or-another - probably you killed someone and I stood up to your tyranny-“

”Tyranny?”

”But I sadly was beaten by the greatest swordsman in the world - though ultimately, I convinced you with my amazing heroism and inspiring speech that what you did was wrong, and you turned over a new leaf and are going down the path of righteousness.”

Usopp ended his tirade with a strained smile at the blank faced man.

”You think I’m the greatest swordsman in the world?”

”Wow, that is grade A selective hearing.” Both men turned towards the doorway. Sanji was leaning against the open frame, gazing unimpressed at the two. “It’s almost sad, but it’s honestly more pitiful than anything.”

”Fuck off-“

”How did you get in?” Usopp interrupted.

”The door was open.” Sanji drawled, the click of his lighter sounding as he lite up a cigarette. “You’re lucky it was me that found you.”

”Debatable.” 

“Oh my god,” Usopp’s face had a faint tinge of green to it as he stared in horror at the door. “If Nami found us...”

”Oh...” Zoro’s face developed a touch of green at the thought as well.

“See? Lucky.” Sanji kicked the door closed with his foot as he ambled closer to the couple. “Plus, I would have killed you both if you had mentally scarred Nami-swan in such a horrific way.”

“You would kill your own boyfriends?”

”Without hesitation.”

Usopp frowned at the blond man as he crossed the room to sit on one of the couches in front of the wall of glass.

”Perhaps it would be more in line to say I was murdered by Sanji than Zoro.” The black man muttered before scowling deeper. “I don’t want to be killed during sex because of a jealous lover either -  _ especially _ if that jealousy isn’t even about me.”

Usopp turned back towards the swordsman, both hissing at the movement.

”Zoro, you have to be the one to kill me, I won’t except any other situation.” Usopp finally stated after he reoriented himself from the shift.

”Why is Usopp dying now?” Sanji questioned, leaning back against the couch and resting one of his heels against a knee.

”Zoro’s dick is too big.”

The statement got Sanji’s attention immediately, the chef perking up and leaning towards the two.

”Mine’s bigger.”

”You wish, curly-brow.” Zoro snapped back. “You’ve got a toothpick for a cock.”

”That’s not what you said the last time I bent you o-“

”Okay, you two can measure your dicks later, I am trying to have sex right now.” Usopp chimed in, halting the argument before it could really get going.

To prove his point, Usopp lifted himself and sat back down, his breath catching as he settled back.

”Yep, no ruining this for me.” He mumbled to himself.

The two listened, Sanji sitting back against the couch and bringing the cigarette to his lips while Zoro shifted to lay back more comfortably, though they both glared into the distance and pointedly didn’t look at each other.

Usopp placed both of his hands on Zoro’s abdomen for leverage as he rocked back and forth on the swordsman’s lap. His eyes closed and his brow creased in concentration. 

Rocking gave way to raising of hips until Usopp was using Zoro’s dick as his own personal dildo - rising and falling with a slanted direction that hit as many good points as he could reach.

The sniper leaned back, one hand holding Zoro’s thigh for leverage as he rode him and the other running over his own cock.

”Fuck, okay, it’s good,” Usopp made out, head thrown back as his stomach and thigh muscles strained.

Zoro was having difficulties.

Though he had said he didn’t want to do anything, he found it incredibly hard to just lay there and not fuck up into the other man. 

His hands were balled into fists and his head buried in the crook of one of his arms as he tried to restrain himself.

”Really? Because you seem to be going at it by yourself - at this point it might as well be masturbation instead of sex.” Zoro couldn’t keep the scowl off his face at Sanji’s voice. “Not that I’m surprised because Zoro is kind of a cold fish in bed.”

”Shut the fuck up, perv-cook, no one is asking for your opinions on anything.”

”Though I wonder if this is better than if he was in control - he usually just fucks for his own pleasure, doesn’t he? Powers through it without a care for his partner.”

Zoro reached out and grabbed Usopp’s hips, stopping him as he sat up to snarl at the chef, causing the black man to yelp.

“Don’t fucking whine because you have to use fancy moves to make your partner cum with your tiny dick-“

”Tiny? I’m just saying sex is more than just pistoning your hips until  _ you _ cum-“

”I think I’m going to die.” The seriousness of the statement stopped both of them as they looked at their distressed and unhinged lover - a man who was digging his nails into the swordsman’s hands as his hips jerked and trembled. “I will literally just fucking die and both of you will be at fault - this is murder, you are  _ murdering _ me right now.”

Zoro rolled his eyes at Usopp’s dramatics but Sanji crawled off the couch and crouched in front of the two.

”Okay, so let’s have a competition - or a game of sorts.”

”I don’t like the sound of that, I just want to cum.”

Sanji ignored the sniper and focused his attention on Zoro.

”Whoever can make Usopp cum the fastest wins.”

”Yep, I was right, I don’t like that.”

”Easy.” Zoro replied, his thumbs rubbing circles into the black man’s hips as he pressured the bones into stillness. “But me and Usopp have a prior arrangement. You can masturbate in the corner if you like.”

”Sure, I’m certain Usopp wants to ride your unresponsive dick-“

”My dick is working fine.”

”-instead of having someone push him over the edge and take all the work off his shoulders while they shower him with pleasure.”

”Too much work. Not interested.” Zoro intoned dispassionately, shifting his hips in his new sitting position and making Usopp groan, fingers moving to dig into the swordsman’s shoulders.

Sanji clicked his tongue in annoyance and sat back on his heels as he watched Usopp struggle to continue fucking himself on Zoro’s dick and Zoro unconcernedly hold him down.

”Okay, how about this: if I can make Usopp come in 5 minutes, then I get to fuck you and if I can’t you get to fuck me.” Sanji leaned closer to the two, a smirk creasing his lips as his cigarette hanged haphazardly out of his mouth.

”Or, if you don’t succeed I get to sleep in peace.” The smirk was quickly replaced by a scowl as the chef glared at the green haired man.

”You’re hard, don’t pretend.” Sanji plucked the cigarette from his lips and waved it at the man. “Not even you can go to sleep after stopping in the middle of sex.”

Zoro raised a brow and Sanji looked away with a sneer.

”It’s unnatural is what it is.” Sanji directed his attention towards Usopp. “You agree right?”

” _ Dying _ .”

”See? Usopp agrees.” Sanji turned to look at Zoro again and the two stared at each other before Sanji flicked his cigarette, letting the ashes hit the floor. “Fine, if I lose - which I won’t - then I’ll just fuck Usopp.”

Usopp threw a wounded look over his shoulder, his mouth opening to make known his displeasure at being a consolation prize before Zoro interrupted with a, “Fine.” 

“This is domestic abuse.” Usopp gasped, pulling a hand away from Zoro’s shoulder to clutch at his own chest as if he had been physically wounded. “Do I get a say in this?”

”Great!” Sanji clapped his hands at the agreement and ignoring the pouting man. 

The blond moved to push the couple over, Zoro struggling against the shove and leaning back of his own will slowly and spitefully while keeping a steady glare with the chef.

”Stop being difficult,” Sanji spat out, dropping the cigarette to the floor and standing, crushing the trash beneath his heel. “You’d think you would want this to go quicker so you can get to sleep sooner.”

”Admitting defeat already?” Zoro taunted, back against the floor once more, robe opened and haramaki pushed just below his pecs. 

“No, I’ll make Usopp cum under 5 minutes then make  _ you _ cum under 5 minutes.” Sanji snarked back, a smirk tilting his lips again. “It’ll all be over and done with in less than 10 minutes.”

”We’ll see.”

Usopp shifted uncomfortably, his hips wanting to jerk and continue to pleasure himself on Zoro’s dick, but he himself was curious as to the promised quick end. He watched Sanji distrustfully as he moved behind them, still smarting from being ignored.

He let out a shocked shout when he was suddenly pushed, the cock inside him nearly sliding out. 

Usopp turned to look over his shoulder, a snipping remark on the tip of his tongue about the rough treatment when one of Sanji’s hands landed gently on one shoulder while the other spread him open, agile thumb rubbing against the edge of his hole.

” _ Oh _ ,”

Sanji pushed against his shoulder until the sniper laid fully against the swordsman; cheek pressed against hard muscle, hands placed uselessly on Zoro’s abdomen with no strength trying to hold up the rest of his body, and hips raised, the swordsman’s dick completely disconnected.

“So, um, whatcha’ planning to do exactly?” The black man babbled, trying not to shift too much at the empty feeling and his nearly painful arousal. 

“You’ll find out soon enough.” Sanji replied, his hands moving to grip Usopp’s hips then massaging the cheeks in front of him, pulling them apart. “What kind of lube did you use?”

”Coconut oil,” 

”Good.”

Before Usopp could question further, Sanji brought his face to the stretched and lubed entrance. Usopp’s brain blanked at the sensation as the chef’s tongue edged around his hole, his thumbs teasing the rim. 

“Oh-okay, that’s…“ The sniper trailed off, his hands scrambling for purchase and coming to tangling themselves in Zoro’s haramaki. “Zoro, he’s- _ oh my god _ ...”

“Yeah, I can see what he’s doing.” Zoro kept his voice steady but he couldn’t deny the fact that the scene literally occurring in his lap was affecting him. The way Usopp’s blunt nails scrapped against his stomach as they gripped his haramaki and the wet pool of his drool collecting on his chest to the intent and amused expression on the chef’s face as he ate the black man out was a sight that could make a nun weak in the knees.

Sanji was having a great time. The cleaned and oiled hole tasted like soap and coconut and was already stretched, letting the blond hold it open with his fingers as he delved his tongue in deeper, pressing against inner walls. Usopp clutched around him, his rim struggling against Sanji’s fingers and his hips moving to push his ass closer than pulling away from the slick organ when he got too overwhelmed.

The blond wrapped an arm around Usopp’s waist, holding him against him as he lightly bit at the sniper’s rim, laughing quietly at the moan the action caused. He could feel the jerks of Usopp’s thighs and hips as well as the dribbling of pre against his forearm. Sanji pressed his face closer, slipping two fingers of his free hand in and feeling along the black man’s walls, listening as the groans got deeper and more desperate the closer he got.

He pulled away, chuckling fondly at the whine the move caused.

“How are you doing?” Usopp slowly raised up on his hands, throwing a glare over his shoulder as if Sanji stopping to ask a question was some spiteful attack against him.

“Don’t you have a time limit?” Sanji felt his lips pull into a feral smile at the words.

“Three minutes left.” Usopp grumbled to himself but lowered back down, nestling his face into the crook of Zoro’s neck and sighing deeply.

Despite his antics, Sanji could see the tremors of the sniper’s limbs at how close to cumming he was and the way his hole fluttered, desperate to be filled again.

He ran a hand soothingly down the black man’s back, pressing into his spine and finally resting in his curls, massaging the back of his neck as his other hand gripped his butt. He trailed the hand across a cheek before lightly pressing in the tips of two fingers, pushing in and watching as Usopp sighed into Zoro’s neck again.

He wanted to lean his body against him. Unbutton his pants and press his heat inside him. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. Not enough time.

Going slow wasn’t an option. Usopp was already on the edge, so it was a simple matter of pushing him over it, even if it was in a rather uncomfortably over-stimulating way.

Sanji found Usopp’s prostate quickly, pressing against it with his fingers and wrapping a hand around his dick. He slipped out enough to fit two more fingers in, grinding against the gland and using the arm around his waist to keep the sniper from bucking away as he full-body flinched away from the action, his mouth opening in shock as the almost painful spike of pleasure wracked through him. When Sanji started moving his wrist, thumb sweeping over the slit and fingers pressing into the base of his head, Usopp gripped his arm tight enough to hurt and practically screamed into Zoro’s neck.

The swordsman moved one of arms to wrap around the black man’s head and combed his fingers through his hair comfortingly as the sniper bucked against him while being assaulted on both sides. He placed kisses on his forehead and nose, running his lips under the black man’s eyes to catch the falling tears and let Usopp’s free hand claw into his chest without complaint.

Usopp came quickly after that. A litany of “oh gods” and “please” spilling past his lips before he seized up, cum splattering against Zoro’s stomach as Sanji continued to ram his prostate and wring his dick dry. Sanji stopped after the last dribble left the sniper, easing his fingers out slowly and carefully while pressing kisses down the black man’s spine.

Usopp slumped against the swordsman’s chest, body still coming down from the euphoria as Zoro continued to press his lips against the side of Usopp’s face and neck while Sanji rubbed his hands against the sniper’s thighs soothingly.

The chef leaned over the black man, long legs encasing both the other men’s as he pressed his lips against Usopp’s ear to get his attention.

“You okay?”

Usopp replied with a low hum in his throat, twisting his upper body enough to wrap an arm around the blond’s neck and kiss him lazily, tongues sliding together smoothly. The sniper pulled back when Sanji pressed against him harder, pelvis grinding against the side of the black man’s hips.

“Under 5 minutes,” Usopp reminded him quietly, lips still close enough to brush against the other man’s. “You get to fuck Zoro.”

Sanji’s grin turned feral and he dived down to press his lips back against the sniper’s harshly. Zoro made a sound underneath them like he was spitting something foul out of his mouth. Both of the other men separated before plunging down to rain the green haired man’s face and throat with sloppy and wet kisses that made his face scrunch until Sanji brought their lips together in a unhurried caress that made the swordsman’s breath catch.

Both of their hips canted, unmindful of the sated man between them who grunted unhappily, the only protection against their grinding hip to his sensitive privates his sideways position. The two still aroused men parted, letting their boyfriend wiggle out from between to stretch languidly on his back beside them.

The view earned the man a lingering kiss to his thigh from an appreciative Sanji before the chef turned to the swordsman under him and ground both their hips together.

Zoro frowned down at their lowers halves as the blond’s pants rubbed against his exposed dick before Sanji slipped his tongue back into the green haired man’s mouth and licked against the roof deliberately until Zoro raised one of his hands to fist in the blond’s hair, the two pulling apart with Zoro’s lower lip trapped between the chef’s teeth, Sanji sending a smirk that was all gleaming white when he let go.

The blond sat up, looking around briefly before grabbing the discarded bottle Usopp had magic-ed into existence and squeezing the contents into his palm, tossing the bottle when he was down and generously coating his fingers with the oil.

Sanji wasted no time and kissed a trail down Zoro’s chest and stomach, lowering his hand to the swordsman’s hole and looking up at the green haired man, his finger twirling around the rim.

Zoro had thrown one arm over his eyes, but he raised it slightly to look down at the other man, lifting his chin in permission and sighing when the blond wrapped his lips around the swordsman’s engorged dick.

Sanji tongued the slit before circling around the head while pressing in a finger. Zoro’s hips rose and Sanji took him in with a roll of his eyes, rubbing the swordsman’s insides and spreading the oil around as much as he could.

Zoro’s free hand found the other man’s hair again, his fingers gripping the silky strands harshly as he bucked his hips. Sanji let him and added another finger, working the broader man open.

Sanji lifted his head, Zoro’s dick falling out of his mouth and bouncing against the swordsman’s stomach. The green haired man made no protests, much to Sanji’s chagrin, but his breathing hitched, his arm pressing harder into his face. The chef pressed a third finger against his rim, teasing the puckered hole before slowly inching in.

The blond carefully stretched Zoro further, placing more kisses on his hip while his unoccupied hand stroked along the swordsman dick.

“Are you still good, marimo?” Zoro lifted his arm to glare down with his good eye but grunted in agreement. Sanji smirked in satisfaction and dragged his teeth along the prone man’s hip. “I’m glad.”

The chef sat back up, grabbing the back of Zoro’s knees and dragging them to his own hips before lining himself up. He released one, freeing a hand to align himself and pushed inside the other man slowly, stopping every few seconds to let the swordsman’s breath even out.

He held stable when his pelvis met the firm globes of Zoro’s ass and he framed the other man’s head with his arms, concentrating of the feel of the green haired man’s heat gripping him tightly.

Sanji was brought back to attention when he felt the other man’s heels pressed against his lower back.

“Are you just going to sit there or are you going to ‘push me over the edge’ and ‘shower me with pleasure’?”

The blond man sent a shark-toothed grin down at the sweating man, gripping a hard hip in his hand before drawing his own back and thrusting into the man beneath him.

Zoro’s head tilted back, mouth opening and brows furrowing as he brought his hands to drag against the chef’s back. Sanji was quick to bring his mouth to the offered throat, his teeth skimming along the column as his hips continued to pound into the swordsman.

“Fuck!” The green haired man suddenly jerked, his teeth clenching around the swear before he moved his hips to replicate the angle.

Sanji grinned against Zoro’s throat, sitting up to grip his thighs and hammer into the other man’s good spot.

The swordsman took back his arms, one going back over his eyes as he arched into the assault and the other wrapping in his haramaki, his nose wrinkling when his forearm touched Usopp’s drying cum.

Zoro peaked under his arm at his darker skinned boyfriend and caught his eyes. The sniper had rolled onto his side as he watched the two, but he sat up when their eyes met and leaned over the thicker man, lips meeting slowly in complete contrast to the going-ons on the other end.

The black man reached down to wrap his hand around the swordsman’s shaft and stroked him roughly in time with Sanji’s movements, the green haired man’s hand enclosing around his wrist but not hindering his progress.

Zoro arched up, teeth baring as he got closer before completely seizing up, cum splattering on his stomach and haramaki. Sanji continued to fuck him through his orgasm before pulling out and jacking off until his cum joined the other two’s.

Both Sanji and Zoro gasped out breaths as they came down, Usopp running his hands through Zoro’s crop of hair as he moved to put the man’s head in his lap.

“I, uh, wasn’t keeping count on that one.” Sanji started, his hands kneading into Zoro’s thick thighs.

“What the fuck,” Zoro ignored the blond and instead looked down at his body. “What the actual fuck, why am I the only one covered in semen?”

“Either way, I guess you can take your nap now, marimo.” The chef pulled away, standing up gracefully and fixing his pants. “I have to go prepare a late-night snack for Robin-chwan.”

Zoro stared after the blond with an open mouth, turning to look up at the black man.

“Why am I the only one covered in cum?” The swordsman tried again.

The sniper didn’t seem to hear, instead gaping at the door, his face paling.

“The door was unlocked.”

Zoro rolled his eyes and stood up, not paying attention to the cascade of horror theories and possible mishaps that could have occurred because of the unlocked door pouring out of Usopp’s mouth as he walked off to take another bath.

He paused briefly at the frame before turning around, catching the babbling man by the nose and silencing him with his lips.

“Want to join me?”

Usopp stared up at the taller man and could only nod in agreement, eyes glued to the way Zoro’s lips pulled into a blinding smile full of affection and love.  

He didn’t mind a little more trouble in the bath tonight.

 

**Author's Note:**

> There is a 4kids reference but it goes by so fast if you breathe you miss it
> 
> Pls comment pls I need this I spent months on this pwp


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